Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
