I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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