I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
