So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Green mimosas i think yes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
