im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
false alarm, still single
Randomize
