I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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