Pants 0. Shit 1.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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