Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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