he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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