I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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