i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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