Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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