garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
