I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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