any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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