My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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