Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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