You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
