Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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