he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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