i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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