My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize