he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
