i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
