i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
