im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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