We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
