Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
