Define "chronic" masturbator.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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