M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
