so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if only i could text you this smell
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
