my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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