how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
