You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
