I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
