I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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