Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
