Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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