I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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