I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
