why didn't you poke me back
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
