I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
