Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
