Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
