My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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