I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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