just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
