the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
