Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
