Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
