you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
