If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
