i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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