I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
