I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
