Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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