new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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