remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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