ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
