But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
