genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
