when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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