Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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