Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
