Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
