I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
