he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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