Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
